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One of the most difficult periods of infants is 18 months - 2 years. Calm and well behaved babies can suddenly turn into negative and angry children. ELELE Child and Family Psychological Counseling and Special Education Center Psychologist, Special Education Specialist Bihter Mutlu Gencer "This is a part of healthy psychological development," he says.
: When does the term “negative de in infants begin? Is this period normal?
Bihter Mutlu Gencer: When our babies reach the age of 18 months - 2 years, we begin to think that they have evolved from innocent angel infancy to a completely different child. Our baby, which we can comfortably control, has gone, instead of a child who objected to everything, who called us black, even if he was really white, who insisted on doing everything himself, started to push the limits of tolerance. As some parents may wish, I wish our children could be a dough that we could constantly shape until we grow up, but let them grow and relax as we want. Unfortunately, things don't work like that, and we have to accept that our children may even be described as “presumption“ in some places. Er is part of a very normal and completely healthy psychological development. However, proper parental attitudes are the determinants of this process.
: Why is this period happening?
Bihter Mutlu Gencer: In the second year of life, the child started to walk and the language development accelerated. He is now able to move more easily, constantly trying to try the limits of his own body. While his brain is developing rapidly and constantly trying to explore the world, he gains new knowledge and experiences about life, objects, and how their own bodies work. When expressive language skills are added to the works that he wants but he cannot do yet, the child inevitably experiences frustrations and tensions. It is useful to look at the tantrums at this broad angle. Let's put ourselves in their shoes: We cannot express our desires and emotions in a world that we cannot fully understand yet and we are trying to exist in some way…
A natural step of this period is the child's desire for independence and autonomy. Want to make your own, want your own food, dress your own, choose your own, etc. want. Until then, he was sitting with his hands tied, he wanted to prove to others that he was able to make decisions, but most of all to himself. Want to know the limits and force you to expand them from time to time. Mom dad Consistent and stable behaviors exhibit the consequences of their behavior, learns that the boundaries are drawn. It grows and matures in this way.
: Do the tantrums persist; or is it more common under certain conditions?
Bihter Mutlu Gencer: Anger attacks usually occur when the child is hungry, tired, bored, uncomfortable or depressed. It is probably not a realistic approach to go to the supermarket when your child is hungry and wait until the end of the anger-free shopping. Therefore, it may be wise to eliminate the sources that may cause anger attack before they occur. For example, you can imagine that your child may be bored on the way to a friend's house and take the toys together where your child can enjoy and spend time; or you can get your child bored in shopping as soon as we're done at the supermarket and have some maneuvers to anticipate and prevent anger attacks.
: What should be done to prevent anger attack frequently?
Bihter Mutlu Gencer: It is a good way to leave control to look after every opportunity that is suitable for your child who is trying to gain independence and autonomy. For example, do you want apple juice or carrot juice ?; do you want to eat rice or salad first: do you want to brush your teeth before bathing? Would you like to wear beige pants or green pants? such as giving the child control over his / her behaviors and creating self-confidence because he / she sees that his / her ideas are given importance. In addition, knowing that you have control over such behavior minimizes the child's improper control requests that may occur at other times. It is also important to be aware of the child's limits and not to force the child to do what he or she cannot do and thus not to cause anger. Choosing age-appropriate toys and activities eliminates this danger.
The child's wishes can sometimes be rejected by parents without much consideration. It is necessary to think a little when the child wants something. Is his request really something that cannot be allowed? It is necessary to give the child freedom as much as possible within the framework of stability and consistency. For example, when you walk down the street, it seems unacceptable for your child to pick up the handset and speak as if talking in front of the telephone booths. But all he really wants to do is play a little game because he's bored during your shopping, and maybe if you can be patient, he'll enjoy after five huts.
: What should he do and how should he behave when a fit of rage occurs?
Bihter Mutlu Gencer: Whether at home or outdoors, the most important tactic to be followed when your child throws himself on the floor and shouts “I want that candy tır is to stay calm. A child who has already lost control, does not want to see a mother yelling and calling lost in the face of control. Your attitude that does not pay for calm and inappropriate behavior will eventually help your child to give up. If you are at home, you can continue your work by ignoring the anger attack, provided that your ear is in your child; if you're out there, you can move it into a quiet environment - for example, in the car - and wait for it to calm down there. After a brief explanation of why you can't take sugar in tantrums to use you, the consistent method of disregard you follow sooner or later works; however, ignoring complete seizures caused by frustration may lead to other emotional problems. For this reason, it is important to understand the child's feelings in anger attacks that are disappointing at the source. For example, I can understand how much you want to see that movie, but now we do not have time to watch this movie, I can see that you are very angry at the moment, I will help you to calm down, we will talk more easily when you calm down is a attitude that is exactly what the child needs. Immediately after the bouts of anger, the child should not be given what he wants. The child needs to learn that the film will be watched when the time comes and the mother has time. Being consistent and determined in this issue is very important for the healthy emotional development of the child. Otherwise, when the child grows up and becomes an adult, he will be impatient to fulfill his wishes without delay. However, after anger attack, feelings of guilt and fears that the child will no longer be loved as before may occur. When your child calms down, it is useful to talk a little bit about the fit of anger - about the causes and consequences - and show your love. Ultimately, the child needs to be digested that whatever happens, he will always be loved, not only when he is a çocuk good boy,, and that the love of parents is unconditional.
ELELE Child and Family Psychological Counseling and Special Education Center
Cesme Street No: 17 Yenikoy / Istanbul
Tel: 0212 223 91 07