Every day, I dream about the moment I will finally, at long last, hold my rainbow baby. After losing our much-loved daughter around 6 months of pregnancy, sometimes I worry I'll never actually feel my son's skin against mine. But when I actually get to nuzzle into my little guy, I know it will be one of the most emotional experiences of my entire life.
This is why, when I came across a photo on Love What Matters of the moment when mom Lila first embraced her rainbow baby after a crushing loss, it felt so powerful to me. The emotional image was captured by Spokane, Washington-based photographer Laura Fifield. Lila explains her story on Fifield's blog, sharing, "My husband and I had been trying to conceive our third child and in December of 2015, we finally saw those magical two pink lines, we were both so excited!" But just a week later, Lila started having severe pain, and knew something was wrong. Her doctor confirmed she was experiencing a tubal pregnancy.
"Despite staying under close medical supervision my tube ended up rupturing and I was rushed into emergency surgery where they performed a tubal litigation on my right side," Lila heartbreakingly recounts. "I was heartbroken and my husband was terrified at the thought that he had almost lost his wife and mother to his children."
Lila eventually conceived again, but admits she was nervous during the pregnancy, a sentiment any loss mama feels so hard. She writes that she gained an amazing appreciation for the delicacy of both pregnancy and her own life." She adds, "One year after experiencing our loss there I was holding the most precious gift of all, our fearfully and wonderfully made 11-day old rainbow baby Audrey Joy.”
Much congratulations to Lila and her husband Tom on the healthy arrival of little Audrey. And thank you for sharing your story. It gives soon-to-be rainbow moms like me much hope for the day we will hold our own little miracles, at long, long last.
Find Lara Fifield on Facebook. Photo used with permission.
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