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Our emotions are one of the most important and enjoyable aspects of being human. The more we are aware of our emotions, the more we can embrace them, feel our own, and share with others, the more we can enjoy being them and human beings. So how aware are children's own feelings? Psychologist Bihter Mutlu Gencer explains the ways of teaching your emotions to your children.
Our emotions are one of the most important and enjoyable aspects of being human. The more we are aware of our emotions, the more we can embrace them, feel our own, and share with others, the more we can enjoy being them and human beings. In this way, we can communicate with people more easily and effectively, our family relationships, friendship relationships gain wealth and sincerity, so we can lead a happier and meaningful life. The awareness of our children's emotions and their ability to communicate appropriately depends on us parents to guide them correctly. So how do our emotions direct our behavior? Bihter Mutlu answers this question: ken As our behavior takes shape, we follow this path: We collect information from the outside world through our sense organs, that is, seeing, hearing, touching, tasting and smelling. Then, by interpreting our senses, we understand what it means. These meanings give us some emotions and as a result we decide how we should behave. Our emotions are completely automatic and spontaneous (natural) responses to our interpreted senses. But our behavior is our thinking and decisive reactions. On the way from our sense organs to our behavior "Our intention" plays an important role. Our intentions lead us to how we want to behave. If our intention is to fight and hurt him in the face of the anger we feel, we act accordingly, raise our voice, talk in a way that provokes the other; but if our intention is to cooperate, we will express our anger in calm words and behave more constructively. If it is our intention to remove our resentment when we feel anger at our child, we may choose to judge by talking and perhaps humiliate him; but we can choose to show him how to verbally express our anger if we intend to catch up with him by learning that “emotions are controllable”. ”
If we don't share our feelings…
Our emotions are not things we have to apologize or explain why. Just what we have because we're simply human. Bihter Mutlu says: “We cannot control our negative feelings by keeping them inside. We cannot control them either by pretending to be absent or by fighting against them. Only when we are aware of them, accepting them, adopting them, taking responsibility, directing our emotions, and putting them out appropriately can we control them. Emotions remain in us until we reveal them and somehow end them. For example, “sadness bit ends when we cry and relax, or speak to an understanding friend. Wandering around with a smiling mask on our face without any indication does not end the sadness. If we refuse to show our emotions, they start to control us. If we keep the sorrow inside us, sooner or later we start to avoid everything that upsets us. We even start to get angry with our sad friends. So we start organizing all our lives to avoid sadness, and if we don't act like this, we fear that our own sadness will emerge and lose control. ”
Let Your Children Express Their Emotions
Suppressing or denying our emotions leads to internal conflicts and thus problems in our relationships. If adults are aware of our emotions and can accept them and reflect them in our relationships, we can be a good model for our children. A child who grows up in a family environment where emotions can be easily spoken and encourages the child to put his or her emotions into words becomes aware of his / her personality, the things he / she feels in the face of events, the things he likes and dislikes, his / her own limits and his / her self-confidence develops. Of course, all parents want to raise confident children. They want to protect them from evil. Therefore, they want to protect against bad and negative emotions. I wish we could always keep our children in the womb and protect them from all evil and bad emotions there ... Of course this is impossible. Bihter Mutlu said, arak There can be no such thing as our child will never learn or feel if we do not tell by pretending that there are no negative emotions. But because the general tendency in society is like this, parents feel obliged to act as well. Erek He warns: iz We do not want our child to “grow up well and have negative emotions.. We don't want him to get upset, angry or jealous. ”Our children don't know what jealousy is, they never envy each other iz. It is as if jealousy is not a purely human feeling but nobody feels it or if we say ”no jealous uz our child would not have such a feeling… Acting in this way is actually quite dangerous. After a while, our child may begin to reject all negative emotions. He starts to act like he doesn't have those feelings. He does not feel responsible for negative emotions and always thinks that others are responsible. For example, if a child who is jealous of his friend cannot express his jealousy and share it with his mother, he always finds something he is jealous of and starts blaming him. So he breaks up with his friend. However, a child who is aware of this feeling can share it with his mother and then relax and understand the reason for what he feels and stop blaming his friend for reasons. In another example, a child who is jealous that his friend will take the lead in the theater can rationalize if he cannot be aware of this feeling by saying dim I would never want to be in that role anyway mek to deal with this strong emotion. A child who does not possess negative emotions continues to do so even when he is an adult and thinks that only “good me var exists. He continues to think that bad and negative emotions are not his own. Therefore, it is difficult to accept both himself and of course others with the fact that they are insan human beings iyle with their good and bad aspects. Thus, internal conflicts may be experienced and it is difficult to maintain healthy relationships. This may even lead to personality divisions. ”
Since negative emotions in society are not accepted much and positive emotions are more accepted and appreciated, positive emotions are shared more and often negative ones are treated as absent. People think that if they are not aware of negative emotions, they cannot hurt them. However, emotions exist, though negative, and are completely human, and it is completely normal to have them. Not showing emotions and being closed to the communication of emotions are both physically and psychologically unhealthy. Many psychosomatic (physical disorders of psychological origin) are covered by emotions.
The topic Öğret Teaching Emotions to Our Children II acak will be published next week and examples will be presented.
Contact Bihter directly
Psychologist and Special Education Specialist
ELELE Child and Family Counseling, Development and Education Center
Tel: 0212 2239107